Creating Healthy Energetic Boundaries

via @rachel.jo

via @rachel.jo

Hello, dear reader.

I come to you this week to talk about a subject that's near and dear to my heart—healthy boundaries.

In order to be a moderately well human, physical, emotional, and energetic boundaries are sort of necessary. Unfortunately, we're not usually taught enough about creating healthy boundaries early in life—so instead of being a wonderful tool we use to boost our wellbeing, we buy into the connotation between boundaries and problems. Suddenly, boundaries are a punishment we apply to ourselves for indulging in harmful behavior, and internal dialogue that comes up can look a little like this: "I need to create boundaries when some relationship in my life becomes unhealthy or unsustainable."

Operating in that way—out of fear, lack, shame—straight up sucks. Boundaries become a defense mechanism—a way of shutting down or keeping "danger" out. Icky. As a result, many people (especially those of us who are naturally optimistic and want to be of service to anyone who needs us) have trouble justifying and maintaining healthy boundaries. After all, how can you be open and helpful to others if you have barriers up?

Spoiler: Boundaries Are Great

Boundaries, though, are a wonderful thing. They're not a wall that inhibits us from having a full emotional experience—they actually create a foundation for us to safely feel our emotions with depth, dimension, and honesty.

Psychotherapist and author of "Spiritual Bypassing" Robert August Masters beautifully explains that boundaries actually help us maintain structure within our belief systems. "Anger is the primary emotional state that functions to uphold our boundaries," he writes. And when we feel something—anger, sadness, bitterness, confusion, fatigue, anxiety—it's often an indication that our personal boundaries have been crossed. And those emotions are signals for us to pay attention, and get back on the path that feels good.

My Life As A Former Boundary-Hater

'K makes sense I guess. Easier said than done, though, can I get an amen? As a Pisces, an empath, and a human woman who grew up in the '90s, I've unwittingly had an energetic open border policy my whole damn life. Boundaries!? Who needed 'em?

(Oh, just me, you, everyone you know. That's who.)

In my early life, I always thought "boundaries" were for delicate people. And I was anything but fragile. Listen, I was a *girl* but I was a tough girl! Like, basically a boy! Bullshit just rolled off my back! I dodged rejection and feelings and tough emotions a la Neo in the Matrix. And I assumed that I escaped these feelings relatively unscathed. I didn't need boundaries because nothing could hurt me, and therefore boundaries were redundant.

Then my body gave me this little, tiny wakeup call—one that suggested, perhaps, I had not navigated the landmines of emotion so cleanly. My neurologist called them tonic-clonic seizures and diagnosed me with epilepsy. Later in my life, I learned that maybe *just maybe* I wasn't the impenetrable, unfeeling fortress I'd believed myself to be—and that actually, I'd been taking on a lot of stuff (emotions, trauma, pain, information, energy) that wasn't actually mine.

Signs That You’re Taking On the Energy of Others

After a while, shouldering a burden that isn't ours takes a toll. For me, it resulted in seizures. For others, it could look like a whole host of symptoms:

  • -physical pain, injury, disease

  • fatigue

  • anxiety

  • anger

  • bitterness

  • lack of self-confidence

  • loss of purpose

  • ennui

  • a general feeling like things are "off"

Wow, there are some super un-fun things on that list! Been through 'em all, and maybe you have, too. Creating healthy boundaries around your energy can prevent things from getting this far. Because here's the thing:

You can be strong and you can also feel things deeply. In fact, feeling with depth and clarity is a sign of true sovereignty and power.

Creating Healthy Energetic Boundaries

SO THIS IS THE FUN PART WHERE WE TALK ABOUT ENERGETIC BOUNDARIES!

If you're still resistant to the idea of boundaries, remember this—everything in nature has a boundary. A tree has bark, an apple a peel, and human beings have skin. These boundaries are permeable. When they're healthy, they do an awesome job of letting the right stuff in—like moisture and nourishment and sunlight—and keeping the harmful stuff out. But when these boundaries are unhealthy or out of balance, they tend to sway into extremes. Either they're too easy to penetrate, and let everything in without filtering the good from the bad. Or, they're impassable and keep anything from entering—even the good stuff.

In TCM, the wei qi is considered to be the immune system of the emotional and physical body. In many Eastern traditions, the aura or etheric body is thought to be like energetic armor. And in Western medicine, the subconscious mind can be influenced (positively or negatively) by outside forces—an action that can instantly change our mood.

We're going to talk about all of this good stuff—and how to strengthen your own energetic boundaries through tools, thought, and action—during our virtual event, "Holisticism Holiday: Healthy Energetic Boundaries" on Sunday, December 16th with crystal reader and energy healer Lindsey Kimura.

The holidays are a perfect time to flex your healthy boundary muscle for the same reason you're more likely to get physically sick during this time of year. Multiple stressors—travel, work stress, family interactions, and general busyness—sort of weaken our defenses, and can leave us feeling susceptible to others.

We really want to help you feel amazing, empowered, independent, peaceful, and FUCKING HAPPY during this time of year. Our goal during this workshop is to give you multiple tools (including crystals!) that you can call on to help you do just that. And don't worry, we're gonna talk *all* about auras, intuition, and wei qi.

Snag your spot here—and if you can't make it on Sunday, we'll still send you the recording and transcription of what went down in the workshop!

Michelle PellizzonComment