Anxiety vs. Intuition with Amanda Huggins, Anxiety Coach

You can listen to the full podcast episode on anxiety and intuition with Amanda Huggins, Tiktok star and anxiety coach, on the Twelfth House podcast.

MICHELLE PELLIZZON

Hi Amanda! Welcome to the 12th house. It's so good to talk to you.

AMANDA HUGGINS

08:53

Thank you. I'm so happy to be here and very curious to see how this conversation.

09:01

Me too. So far, so good. Amanda Huggins is an anxiety coach, mindfulness teacher, a real gem of a Virgo if I do say so. Amanda, how would you introduce yourself in an elevator? Oh,

09:15

I would say whatever Michelle just said works for me. But I would say generally the same thing. I'm an anxiety coach. But underneath that, I like to work with people to help them see their fears and understand where they are self limiting. 

And we figure that out through like real world things like Okay, let's do this differently. And more of the softer esoteric, spiritual things like, let's actually start working with your soul rather than your brain all the time. 

Ooh, I love that. You said the S word soul, which is one of my favorites because what we're talking about today is intuition. Versus anxiety. Maybe not versus is the correct like way that we should frame it? Because I don't know if they're like always in direct competition with each other, but like intuition anxiety kind of feel like very closely related siblings or something or family members.

Intuition vs. Anxiety 

10:11

They are like family members, but it's like, there's a lot of similarities. And they come up, they like to visit the same areas of our life. The discernment process, I think you're right, it's not intuition versus anxiety. The framing actually is more like, Is this my intuition? Or is this my anxiety? And the simplest way of discerning is understanding who you are at your core. And using that as your teaser phrasing, like your north node, your guiding light. However, that's a really big question for someone who's already struggling with is this intuition or anxiety? And then you're like, Okay, well, also, who are you? Right,

10:51

super casual?

10:54

Well, it's simple, but not easy, right? So like, how do you actually become more discretionary? I think there's, there's smaller, more actionable ways to start learning for yourself what the differences are, right? 

And you're so right, bringing, like, with the discernment idea of how do I tell the difference between intuition and anxiety? And really, like, it's almost the framing of it. More than anything, I don't know about you. But like, in my 20s, I had no idea who I was, I went through this horrible breakup that totally like, honestly, we should probably we could probably do a whole other podcast on breakups and relationships and what that does to your psyche, but I felt like I'd been everything that I believed in, and everything that I thought was true, had been flipped on its head. And I remember so vividly, like walking around New York and being like, I have no idea. People told me like, Well, what does your gut say? 

Basically, let me give you those super short version of the story. But this guy dated for like five years, had been cheating on me the entire time. And it was very sad. But we totally like talked about getting married and spending our lives together. And I was like, there's this, this can't possibly be true, but it was. And so many people were like, well, didn't your gut tell you? Didn't your gut give you an answer? 

Like, Didn’t you know, and I felt like such an idiot because I didn't. And I had clues and ideas, but I didn't. And then when I got out of that relationship, I was like, I literally have no idea what my intuition was telling me like, I have no clue. So do you feel like Did that happen to you? Like, how did you get so far anxiety versus your intuition?

12:39

probably unsurprisingly, same, same, but different process like traumatic relationship? I wouldn't even call it a breakup so much as it was like, a year and a half of like, “are we broken up? No, we're not do we hate each other?” Maybe?

12:55

Oh, so like, really, it was it was extremely healthy? 

13:01

The way like in those days, I have a lot of thoughts on this. But the most concise version of this is like intuition. It runs in parallel in my mind with boundaries, like, we don't know, where we need to set boundaries, until they've been overstepped for the most part quarterly. And so, you know, even just think about who you are. 

And I'll speak for myself who I was, and that type of relationship. I wasn't connected to my intuition previously, because I wasn't connected to my soul or my deeper needs for myself. So in that moment, for me, there are those moments to say, Hey, is this my intuition? That wasn't even a thought? Totally. 

And in fact, as painful as that whole experience was, that was the crack that actually allowed me to connect to my intuition, right. So you have to like push the limit, and then you get to look back at the learning to be like, Okay, so now is where I get to actually practice this stuff.

Intellectualizing Personal Development and Learning Lessons the Hard Way 

Yeah, I think that's also a personality type, right? And I think you and I are pretty similar in our personality, where it's like, I have to learn the hard way. Like, I really have to learn the hard way, a little less now. But definitely the last 10 years of my life, like I had to get smacked around by my lessons. And it was really painful. 

But I think like, what you just said about discovering your intuition, through a traumatic experience or really horrible, earth shattering breakup or something else. I think that's how most people come to their intuition and also how most people come to well being, they go through this like dark night of the soul where they're like, well, this is the worst, and they come out on the other side, looking for a way to prevent that from happening in the future. And that's what like leads them to wellness.

14:49

Yeah, I fully agree with you. And just to comment on like, our dominant personality trait which is like, let me be very cerebral about this. And like, get the Lesson 17 times, so I understand it. The Virgo in me is like Yeah. And also, it doesn't always have to be that hard. But I will say, both in personal practice and just with working with clients, I don't think like understanding or connecting with your intuition, it is meant to be an A simple process. 

But because we are so human, it doesn't always seem easy. And I think that's something that I've noticed come up a lot lately, interestingly, because like the pandemic has happened. And so we're all forced to be inside quite literally now inside of our own minds way more than we're in the past. 

Even for someone who hasn't had like, the big traumatic thing, or the big firing from a job or something that cracks them open. There's a lot of people who are getting like those micro glimpses now where it's like, oh, it's quiet in here, and then very loud up here in my mind. 

And that the discomfort of that noise, when we can lean into it start to parse out like, Alright, how much of this is my victim energy? How much is this is like my drama queen, and really look at like, there are some clear messages here that I'm ignoring. That's a great straight shoot to your intuition. Definitely.

Why COVID-19 Has Asked a Lot of People to Look Inside 

16:14

And like not to be a white man saying not to play devil's advocate. But like, this time, this during the COVID 19 pandemic of 2020 has been so crazy, traumatic, insane. Like, even I think people who don't normally don't struggle with anxiety, or depression, are feeling those things now. 

And again, it's like, well, how do I know that this isn't just anxiety, because the entire future feels up in the air because it is, versus Oh, this is just the first time I've been able to like, be quiet. And I can't distract myself by going to work or going to the gym or going out. Or like I already binge everything on Netflix. And now I just have to be in my own head and like face myself. And I feel like honestly, from when I talk to people, they're like everyday, I kind of oscillate between the two.

17:10

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I think like, that's rare that you're going on is really interesting, because also saying definitely oscillate between the two. But even in this conversation, we're still talking about the thinking of it. Like, this is what I think I'm doing or how I think I'm feeling and I'm going to measure my day based on what's happened or hasn't happened. 

It's all very like, as it needs to be, right, we need to do our check ins, but it's still like a little external based. I think a big part of intuition is practicing it. And I kind of hesitate with that word practice, because there's this other part of me that's like, it's like breathing. You know what I mean? 

It's not something like you have to learn how to do the wheel you have to sing, right? It's more you know, what it really is, is the practice of allowing yourself to like, screw up a little bit, like I'm going to follow what might be intuitive head, I might get burned up might not be or it maybe it isn't intuitive hit and now I have a visceral experience that I can associate with cool, that is what my intuition feels like. 

But that has to come more through action, you know, really, and and you have to feel I think that part of intuition too, is being okay looking stupid. or feeling stupid even being like, I don't really know the answer to this as someone who's totally like, I want to say recovering perfectionist, but I don't think I'm like actually in recovery. I think I really very much am on the precipice of perfectionism. 

Like you have to feel okay, looking. You just have to get over that you're going to look dumb sometimes. And that sometimes you need to say I got to trust my gut or I have to trust my intuition or like, my stomach is telling me No, we should turn left here or I need to cancel this meeting and I don't know why. 

But I just need to cancel it and potentially dealing with the fallout of that, but like knowing you're going to be okay. 

I love the way that you explain that because it's you're speaking to the other connection that intuition plugs into which is self worth versus self abandonment. 

Right, that’s what it is when we are consistently ignoring the inner call is we're abandoning like soul, right? Yeah, we're basically like gaslighting our soul.

Gaslighting Ourselves and Our Feelings 

19:21

Oh, I am my number one gaslighter I I joke. I you were a fly on the wall with my friends last weekend. I was like I have a little Amanda inside of me. She's shrunk. measurably. I mean, maybe she's a fraction of the size but this little gas lighter inside of me is mean! 

19:50

I share that because it's like it is my profession to work with people to manage their anxiety and connect with their soul and you will never be one hundred percent perfect at it because you are human. Right? 

So like, to your point about being okay with messing up, it's like, the more okay with yourself, you are in all circumstances more, okay are going to become with messing up with your intuition, right? We're following it, I suppose. Really Exactly. And I think

20:20

like, the more maybe if you if there mess ups or whatever, they kind of like lead to cool things. And then you're like was that just my intuition making me make a mistake. So this cool thing won't happen. Who knows? 

Like, it's it's also never usually never as catastrophic as you think it's going to be when you're like, Oh my god, this is the end of everything when you're able to keep anxiety at bay and not let that get in your head and be like, yes, you're the worst, you deserve to be canceled. Like, you should just delete yourself off the internet and you should quit everything you're doing, when you can be like, hold off, buddy, just like give me a second with my intuition to make the right choice. 

And usually, I mean, for me, that just means like taking a breath and taking some time, because I noticed that anxiety has a lot of the same symptoms of like white supremacy culture in, there's this really good, I'll send you this article and also link to it in the show notes. But there's this great article about white supremacy, culture at work, and the symptoms of it that show up in our workplace. 

And there are so many good ones. But one is sense of urgency, this like sense of urgency that everything needs to get done immediately. And like we don't have time, and we need to do it, and it has to get done. And that's actually not true fits very rarely true unless you're like saving lives. And I noticed that my anxiety loves to live in that place.

How Societal Oppression Can Impact Our Intuition 

21:36

Yeah, that is fascinating. You're turning on so many light bulbs for me. The other thing too, and this may be in the book, obviously or the podcast, whatever it was, I haven't read or listened to it yet. Another thing that anxiety does is it like projects the future in the worst potential way possible. 

Right, which you could argue happens with white supremacy as well as like, this is the future you should be there join us nonsense. And he said something earlier like about how your intuition might lead you to some mess ups actually might lead you somewhere cool. And perhaps that was all a part of the divine plan. And there might be a couple of like, very, very stringent Virgos in here who will be outliers. 

But how often just pull away intuition, spirituality, all this stuff pulled out for a second. Just look at like anything you've done process wise in your life. has a big birthday plan ever gone? moment by moment, person by person, everything happened exactly as you wanted or project at work? No, there's a million variables. And we lose so much emotional investment in the projection phase. And it really encouraged people and I'm saying this as a consistently nourish myself.

22:53

Rather than pull back from that projection, even even that conscious awareness of like, Yo, I'm going way too far into the future. Let me to use your example. Let me take a breath right now. Sometimes that's enough to start connecting you back with that question of like, Alright, what is what do I actually need in this moment? What is the guidance actually trying to tell me?

23:17

Yeah, I love that. You're reminding me. This is an embarrassing story. But are you dying to hear it?

23:26

Obviously.

Wrestling With Perfectionism And Intuition 

23:28

I'm engaged to my partner. And we were planning a wedding in May of 2021. And at the beginning of this pandemic, when we kind of were like, yeah, we're still totally gonna get married on May 2021. This thing will be over in two weeks, I was having so much anxiety about, like, actually scheduling the thing, right? I like didn't want to sit down with a wedding planner. I didn't want to, like make my stupid Pinterest board. I was like, This is dumb, but I want to be excited about this thing. But I'm not excited about it. And it was like, Am I not with the right person? Like, what's going what's like, up with me? What's my deal? So I talked to my therapist, Adele, she's the best. 

24:12

And we got to the point where I was like, I just don't, I want it to be perfect, because I want everything to go the right way. And I want everyone to be happy. Ethan, my partner has a brain tumor, and has had brain cancer. So this is a moment that a lot of people he was only supposed to, you know, he has a really bad diagnosis. So a lot of people didn't think he was gonna make it to this moment. 

And it's gonna be really important for so many people, US included, and I was just nervous about it going wrong. I wanted it to be perfect. 

And my therapist was like, it's not gonna be like, things are gonna go wrong, and it's still gonna be great. It's still gonna be a great day, and like your shoe might break and your dress might fall off and the caterer might not come but it's still going to be a good day. And even if it's a terrible day It's one day of your life and like, it's okay, you're gonna be fine. And that kind of helped me. I mean, it's kind of helped me. 

But like, yes, it's something I'm still sort of like, you know, rolling over in my brain of like, yeah, things are gonna go wrong, like things are gonna go wrong. That's what happens and it's okay. And I trust that when I know my intuition, I'll know how to navigate those things when they come up, but I can't plan for them. And I like, I can't get I got to get out of the outcome. Right? I just have to stay in the present.

25:33

First of all, nothing about that story is embarrassing. You not wanting to make a resort is like my inner petulant child just been like, Doc, this. I don't want to do it.

“It’s Always Perfect” 

25:49

I mean, I love that as a visual, but beautiful story. And so the funny irony, maybe irony is not the best word. But like, as you're documenting this very real struggle with perfection. Do you remember? 

Three more four years ago, probably when I went to your apartment, in Koreatown, and you gave me Reiki, and you were like, the thing that came through for you was this mantra. Yes. I just

26:17

got full body chills. Yeah.

26:19

Yeah. And that's like, I adopted that. from that. I was like,

26:26

in a moment, not for you. But I was like,

26:31

that has been my guiding mantra for my whole life. It's like, it's always perfect. It is always perfect. Now, that does not mean things are always going to be easy, or that there's not going to be road bumps or like very serious things that you need to work through. But there's still perfection in it. When you can connect to how am I going to show up to this? How can I soft and how can you be more me? In this experience? That's how the perfection comes through is like and that's, that's intuition. It's softening into, like, the listeners aren't gonna be able to see this amazing,

27:05

amazing dance. It's beautiful. Amanda is emerging through her hands a like a baby coming out of the womb, but crawling its way out.

27:15

Embarrassing share on my end, I went on a date with a man in the past few months who assumed that I knew ASL. I that's cool. I wish I did. You did music. I know the alphabet. But he was so convinced he was like, but I've seen your videos and you talk so much with your hands. I just assumed that you were signing and I was like, no.

27:39

No, no. I wish

27:43

you should have been like, yeah, I speak this really interesting dialect of ASL. It's very rare. It's like sort of like California meets New York yoga thing. Yeah. Oh my gosh, my eyes just rolled to the back of my head so much that it almost but it didn't cuz we love it. I roll. 

Questions From The Community

I we got so many good questions. So a bunch of you texted me. Questions for Amanda and I was like, Oh my god, guess what I'm talking to Amanda from tik tok. By the way, you guys Amanda's blowing up on tik tok. It's kind of amazing. I feel like a big sister on Tick Tock because that's where the youths are.

28:21

That's the energy that I hope to exclusively create. I will share my biggest fears i a never want to seem like really like this is more just like no, let's all be real careful and talk about this and like and share this with you in a separate conversation as the internet is so scary. And I just I you know, send it up daily that my content continues to reach people who like want to hear it and never ends up in like the mean comments. And my soul. Is it heard about that? That's fine.

28:58

It's perfect. That's, that is like, I think that's a lot of people's fear of speaking their voice, having their voice heard on the internet, and in places where we lose control of it. And where we can lose control of the narrative really quickly. Places like Twitter and Instagram. People can and tick tock and podcasts whatever. People can take what you say out of context. And then yeah, yeah, it's scary. It's really scary. Scary. Is it good practice

29:27

though, and like, gotta be sure yourself. Like, that's the one thing that I keep coming back to is, I really believe in what I'm doing. And I really want to help people and like, as long as I'm authentically connecting to like those two flagpoles, even if my feet are flailing in the wind.

29:44

Yeah. I mean, I, this is my mantra. I'm great, but I'm not for everybody. Like you're gonna have haters. And you're gonna have people that don't like you and that disagree with you and they might be very vocal. They might not be that That's just the truth, especially when you're speaking the truth. 

Yeah, it's polarizing because we live in middle world, right where everything is shades of gray, we have a liar for the President. So it is alarming when someone is speaking something that rings true because we're so used to, I don't know, like filtering bullshit all day long. Yeah,

30:22

totally, totally. But I think like, for all of us, kind of in this space, it's like all the more reason it's like you actually can't solve minimize right now.

Imposter Syndrome

30:33

Yeah, gotta keep trying such a good segue, actually into a question from one of our questions. This person said, I'm feeling imposter syndrome, which that's what your comment made me reminded me of like, showing it's just hard to show up period and then be like, What? Oh, who am I to say this thing? And, I mean, we could go on a whole conversation around imposter syndrome. I feel like that's a misnomer. an imposter syndrome actually is an umbrella term that we use to describe things like low self worth, and anxiety, and shame and not enoughness. 

And if we could unpack those things individually, then we could probably, like move through imposter syndrome more quickly. But that's another conversation for another day. So this question was feeling imposter syndrome about being an intuitive because of my anxiety. So this person like knows their intuition, but they have anxiety? And they just said that it wasn't really a question. It was more like a statement that I feel like I can I can like, add that to cart like I felt that before. What do you do about it? So

31:33

You like you, you lead us to the water actually, with what you were saying before you read the question, which is, I agree with you like imposter syndrome. 

In the same way anxiety is non anxiety, like that's anxiety is an umbrella term in a way that I work with it. It's like, it's your fear, shame, self doubt, guilt, grief, it's, it's there's other stuff and it's coming forward as your kids is anxiety, in most cases. And you know, imposter syndrome is the same thing. So the first step, and again, pull out whatever the thing is. 

So if it's imposter syndrome of being an intuitive or being in marketing, or be Pull, pull it out for a second, and get a little bit quiet with yourself, what is the imposter syndrome actually triggering? And what is the root, emotion or fear? And this is a generalization, but I believe it rings true is one of the more common fears with intuitives, at least that I've worked with is fear of judgment and fear of being seen. And judgment is seen a little bit because we're brave.

32:46

You know, it's wherever we think someone is going to judge us. We're are

32:51

100% 100%.

32:53

Yep. So for this lovely individual, look at your own self judgment first, and don't try to think about the answer, feel into the answer to a prompt like, how do I become more self assured in this work? Or a better phrase? How do I feel more safe to be in this work? Because safety also takes it out of the brain and into the body? Because safety is a totally No,

33:24

that does completely reframe it? How do I feel safe to do this work? That's nice. I like that. I think another thing about, like, I know, at least what comes up for me, I have we all have intuitive capabilities. I'm not a professional, intuitive, but I get nervous, or I judge myself around being wrong, right? Like, well, what if I'm not intuitive around this thing? Or what if it just turns off tomorrow? Or what if I'm actually not, I'm not that gifted. 

And I'm not omniscient. Like I don't need to be. It's all I'm gonna make mistakes. And something that I say a lot to myself is just intuition is just information. And we get to choose what we want to do with that information. And that also means that sometimes our intuition does not lead us down the right path. It's just information. Like we're the ones acting on it. 

So your intuition could say, I don't know, let's say you're you're dating someone. Your intuition could say like, yes, give you a full body. Yes. But your brain turns that into he is a he's the one hundred percent he's the one. And that might could be wrong. I don't know.

Your Intuition Can Lead You Down The Wrong Path 

34:34

Yes. So I shared this with you like, this is one of my bigger unpopular opinions opinion. Ah, the phrase and I get where it's coming from your intuition will never lead you astray. And I'm going to Yes, and the hell out of because it's, it's, it's it's a reduction like it's a trade with you. It's like the idea of like loving Lay it only like, honey, just because you aren't listening to the information the inside inside information of your intuition. It doesn't mean that Oh, now all of the pieces are in place. Now it's all easy. Sometimes your intuition is going to lead you directly into a shithole. And yes, there might be a lesson or two that you need in there or something that you pick up along the way. And that might, it's not not your intuition. Right. So like, that's a big washout, I think, and I'll speak to my former self like a man. It's still your intuition, even if like, you know, it didn't work out. You needed that information,

35:41

blanket statements like that are

35:45

they're just not it like, audit fam. Like, no, that's not and like, I really want those things to be true. Like, I really want it should be easy. Like, I would love for that to be true. That's not always true. But like, you know, sometimes it's hard. And also, it's not always hard. Sometimes it's easy. But like, you guys, these are blanket statements that are like they're not. Not right. They're not right all the time.

36:10

They're and I love easy and hard.

36:13

Yeah, tell me more about hard worked up.

36:16

That was that was that was an actual cost. By the way, that wasn't like a little bit.

36:25

But like, it man I see this so much with with client work is we love binary, oh my god.

36:33

I love an either or, like, let me live there.

36:38

I it's a deep love hate relationship, because it's just it's not real. But with the word easy. It's incredible. Because yes, things I don't believe in that binary easy or hard. And yet you can take the idea or the feeling of ease, and bring it into your body for the hard thing. That doesn't mean it's it's going to be you know, cupcakes and sunshine out there. 

But if you can bring yourself into a state of I mean, Grace is actually a better word is I'm not going to muscle through the struggle, I'm going to actually like surrender or flow into it. That's a state of ease internally. But still, that's also not black or white, because that's talking about intuitive practices. What does ease feel like in my body? Mm hmm. What if I authentically experienced that? How can I continue to cultivate that? You know,

37:32

yeah, and if you're rolling your eyes at the idea of rest or ease and having that in your body, baby love, you got to, you got to, you got to find it as someone who really didn't want to do that and would rather like literally signed up for an ultramarathon and became a marathon runner. So I didn't have to find ease in my life. You got to you got to know where that lives because that's like a landing spot that you should be able to return to.

37:59

You'd have to live there. No, I mean, I remember this leg now beautiful, but at the time, horrible moment, where I was crawling out of one of those holes as I was receiving coaching. And my coach asked me like, man, I mean, you gotta have fun, like, what do you like to do for fun? And I had no clothes like work. 

And if I mean really, like, knocked me out, I was like, Who the hell am I becoming? And an amazing, intuitive practice was, you can adopt this, like newness is like, wow, I really have to like, baby and reteach myself right now. And how does a baby respond? They either cry, or they like, move towards something, they don't have language. So sometimes, quite literally, if this is making me cry, my intuition is saying no, no.

38:52

It makes me interested in fun. Maybe I'll do that painting class again, or whatever. You know, I like that.

38:57

Also, I feel like that, that varies based on your human design type. What Human Design type? Are you? Oh, I'm a manifesting generator. Yeah. So you your invitation is to respond. Right.

39:09

So that makes sense. That really checks out for you.

39:12

I know. It's funny because it I know, I felt disconnected from it. But I would say in the past year, it's really, really proven to be true is like that invitation of my work specifically, it's like, okay, now, that was when my hesitations I was like, I don't do people want an anxiety coach, like his work needed. We're now No, no.

39:34

Like, literally a million views on tech talk later. Like Yeah, so I think people are into it. I don't know.

39:41

Like resonating or something. I don't know.

39:46

What the invitations are, like, full blown can like roll and create just you don't need a little bit of that invite. What are you

39:54

I don't think I know this. I'm a projector. I am Wow. Yeah, I know I think that I like to think that I'm like a bit antithetical to all of my signs and things like you know, I'm a Pisces, I'm a triple water, Pisces sun cancer rising Scorpio moon, I'm a projector.

40:13

But I like

40:14

I think I'm pretty pragmatic and like, practical and like, I don't get tired. So I'm not really I don't like feel that projector thing. But I do I do actually really resonate with most of my charts stuff.

40:27

Yeah, it's fascinating. And I will say what I like about human design is like, as much as I love and bleed astrology, there's so much there's just so much. And with human design, it's like, great, you can get your your quadrant or I guess five, technically right? So not a quadrant, whatever the fibers. I don't shape. Numbers not. I am a communication,

40:55

dance majors. So

40:58

it's all good. You guys, like worth, figure out how to have businesses you can have you can figure out how to have a business.

41:09

Do you ever have moments where you're like, doing your work? Or maybe something really hard? You're like, Is this me driving this ship?

41:17

Literally every day, I literally went to school to roll around on the ground. Like that is what I went to school for. So there Yes, but I also do think that art school really prepared me to be an entrepreneur, like and also prepared me to be intuitive, because all that we were doing all day long, was checking in with ourselves and checking in, especially with our bodies and how our bodies felt every single class every single morning, we would sit in a circle. This is in college, and my teacher would say what's your positive thought of the day? And how are you feeling? And sometimes that's all we would do for our hour and a half long dance class because someone would be like going through it. And we just like, hug them and be there with them that I would be as well. It's really amazing. I recommend everyone go to NYU for dance. It was truly incredible. Like I don't

42:05

unbelievable, I don't

42:06

think stared at as not that I'm like so well adjusted. But I think that I survived a lot of weird things that happened to me and weird trauma that I went through because of majoring in dance and that experience and being held in that

42:21

way. I can't even imagine. I mean, that's so incredible to hear. And I to be like at a younger stage to receive that. Like, I mean, our college experiences were very different. That was certainly not a conversation that was had, I did find a container which was dropping into yoga, teacher training. But I think like the kind of elephant in the room is like you and I selected these opportunities like that forced you whether you realize it was part of it or not forced you to actually start checking in. And what we're realizing now is like, No, it can't be sequestered to like opt in experiences like a teacher training or going to college for dance. It's like, this is a human need to check in and to drop into that deeper listening. It's just not taught as it should be in kindergarten and listen, I'm sure.

43:15

But yeah, no, it's really not. And I got really lucky. But I had I started having seizures before I went to NYU, and my seizures. And my epilepsy were never tied to any sort of neurological issue or anatomical issue. And as soon as I started listening to my body and getting to know my intuition more is when my my seizures, you know, started to cease. And eventually seeing an intuitive practitioner one time, like, I walked out of a session, and I never had another seizure again. But I really do think that that was information from my intuition, and I wasn't listening.

And my intuition was like, Well, fuck you. We're just gonna, like turn your whole body off. And then we'll see if you pay attention. And I was like, I don't really want to. Yeah, but that comes up. I mean, I'm sure you see this with the clients that you work with. Like, if we don't listen to our intuition, it manifests as something else in our bodies.

44:14

Again, that visual of like the mini version of you like sitting somewhere in between your heart space and like maybe solar plexus, just chillin and like running around. If you're not feeding her good stuff, she's gonna make fun of noise until you pay attention. And what's interesting is I've also seen it on the other side of the spectrum, like, there's, there's been a bunch of clients, I certainly fell into this category where my body was not responding positively. I was like, I haven't gotten sick more than like a teeny cold and like four years. There was a four year period prior to that where I was maybe calling out of work one to three times a week. Oh, and I it wasn't like sometimes it was depression but Sometimes it was full blown, like I am sick a

45:03

lot, even in startup world. That's a lot. Yeah, we have Yeah, unlimited vacation quote unquote, unlimited vacation days when you work in startups. And it basically just means like, you're kind of never allowed to take vacation, but it looks really good. When you're signing your like papers, like you're gonna join the company. You're like, Oh, my God, I can work whenever I want, like, JK, no, you're not because peer pressure,

45:24

you can go on a vacation, but we're gonna work you to the bone.

45:27

Exactly. You must be tethered to your computer while you're doing whatever you're doing, you know, remotely

45:34

horrific. So there's the strong physical symptoms, and then it because I feel like that not everyone resonates with that. I've also worked with a lot of people who have no symptoms, quote, unquote, symptoms, and thinking of one client in particular, she was the first person I had worked with, like this, were one of the intro questions is like,

Alright, where you feel what in your body? Like, where do you think your anxiety comes up the most? And she was like, I don't feel it anywhere. It's all in my head. And I was like, Okay, great. So what I want you to do is monitor for the next, you know, X amount of days, like, here's how you monitor and the whole thing. And she came back within two or three days, and she was like, holy, I feel it every day all the time. But it's we've we've grown so accustomed to what our body quote unquote, we think it's supposed to be like, that we don't have a fair reference point for what like, feeling good, can feel I totally

46:31

thought was, it's so funny, you say that, because that was something that I learned at school, after we do our little circle, we would lay on the ground for like, you know, 30 minutes, and we'd lay in an axe and we'd let our body signal to the ground and just feel it was coming up. I'd like never really done that before. And I remember the first or second day of school, all of a sudden feeling my stomach in so much pain, and then feeling like my back. And it was like I came alive and all the things that I'd been ignoring for so long. And the parts of my body that I'd never thought about, you know, in between my fingers and the backs of my elbows, and, you know, the nape of my neck that were touching the ground or feeling sensation, I'd never really experienced that before. It was like they didn't exist. And it was like, it was like going through another dimension. And all of a sudden being in a human body and being like, Oh my god, this is really hard.

47:26

Yeah. And direct parallel to the work of intuition. That's it. It's, we get quiet, maybe notice for the first time for the first time in like a really visceral way. And sometimes it's going to bring up Oh, there's actually some pain associated with this intuitive guidance right now. And it's one of those things you can't turn off. Right once once you see it. I know that it's

47:53

I mean, you can like try to turn it on.

47:56

You can totally try but you will not succeed.

48:00

25 year olds me I was the coach.

48:05

For me and Frank or ever My

48:08

mission is perfect. As is my

48:12

job.

48:13

Change necessary. Great. Everything's

48:14

great. My life is Instagram. That's it.

48:19

We can open.

48:21

I know we're like already over the time that I was like

48:25

30 minutes. Somebody tell us super, maybe even twice

48:27

the notes over I was like,

48:32

we have like a lot of notes. We got a lot of notes here. We might have to do a follow up Episode Four. Actually, we should definitely do a follow up episode.

48:39

Down also, like it just doesn't feel like a bland. It's just like us like talking shit and hanging out.

48:46

So it's not that we both have wine. Like it's we're just enjoying ourselves, you know? Yes. All of the things. This is all true. So to wrap up the intuition versus or intuition slash anxiety, basically. Where did we land?

49:06

I feel like I feel

49:07

like we had a lot of tidbits. But like, I don't think you can do it. Right. I think that's where we landed, like, you got to figure out what your we can't tell you what intuition versus anxiety feels like for you.

49:19

We can't tell you what it feels like. And it's not going to be linear. Like there aren't there aren't steps there is trying. That's all it is. And being very open and receptive to where it might lead without that like veil or expectation that it's going to be perfect. where it leads you. Right? It's like, again, that idea of like, ease of that feeling of ease, even if you're moving into the fire, because you know that you're moving in the right direction for whatever reason, you know,

49:52

yes. That was really smart. What you just said, Oh,

49:56

my gosh, thank you. I think that all the time about everything you say

49:59

Japheth Chaffetz, so,

50:06

um, man, and like, I just, I feel like everyone is worried that they're the only person with anxiety and they're the only person who's like not sure 100% about their intuition, and like, you're not. And I think if you're 100% positive about your intuition all the time, you might be a little delusional.

50:26

You know, I say this to clients all the time. Like if you meet someone, coach, therapist, Doctor, practitioner, otherwise, just like, I'm 100% healed and 100%

50:41

they're liars.

50:45

But the other thing you said to like, everyone is in their head about their anxiety and their intuition. Everyone's like, is this thought or feeling normal? What I will say as someone who has worked with at this point, hundreds of people the most common intro phrase is Amanda, I know you're gonna think this is crazy, but and everyone says the same things. So whatever your craziest, most anxious most self deprecating doubtful thought is, I promise you, you are not alone in it. And your thoughts are not sequestered to like the type of person you are the type of profession, these anxious thoughts span, every type of person you can imagine. And we are all feeling the same thing. So it's like, you might not get into someone's head. But I do want you to at least run under that assumption. Like, if I'm thinking it like millions of other people are too so you are not at all alone. That is so right. And it's actually really comforting to remember that like you are not original. Sorry, not a downer.

51:51

Like, this is what archetypes are right. And this is why I'm obsessed with archetypes because they've existed for millennia. As long as human beings have been around, we assert ourselves into archetypes. They're part of the collective unconscious. And that means that someone else who was a rebel who experienced the rebel archetype went through pretty much all this shit, same shit that you're going through, like, but without Wi Fi. And so you're not that special. Like your your predicament is not like the first predicament anyone's ever had ever in the world. Like, you are special, of course, but like, it's okay, you're not the first to go through this and you will not be the last and that should kind of make you feel better because people have survived it. So you will.

52:33

I like to adopt a bitchy self to check in tone with myself, but never bring the people I work with. But for me, I'm like, come on, Amanda. Like, what do you think you are right now? Like Stop being so dramatic and bring it back down to neutral for a second? Okay, like how the Akashic Records talk,

52:50

in my experience.

52:52

Like I wouldn't use the word bitchy, but they're like, unaffected. You know, they're like, your emotions are wack, dude, like, you need to cool it. And yeah, like, Are you freaking out? Like, just chill out? It's because they have 100 mile perspective, right? And they're like, why are you freaking out about meeting a dude, your soul mates, like five minutes away? Just frickin chill out, you know? Or a dude or lady or whoever, right? Like, whatever, you're fine, just stop freaking. And it's kind of nice to just get that like cut and dry perspective. Sometimes, sometimes you want to be coddled, but most of the time, it's just like, nice to know where you stand.

53:29

Yeah, hundred percent hundred percent.

53:32

So on that note, we do this thing at the end of the podcast called screenshotted. Where are we share the things that we are obsessing over in the week. And the reason that it's called screenshotted is because I have a really bad filing system on my phone and I just screenshot things I like my phone albums are really, really weird. But I love to hear from you. Amanda, what are you screenshotting this week or loving or thinking about?

53:53

So I have a product actually that came in Amazon today. Although I screenshotted it yesterday, say goodnight to insomnia, which is a book that I'm reading slash doing some research on. Interesting. Insomnia is scary.

54:06

It's scary. And I'm noticing a significant upward trend in the like, weird catch 22 of sleeping xiety where it's like I'm anxious. I'm not getting sleep. Now. I'm not sleeping. And now it's a week later. And my REM cycles are all screwy. So I'm just trying to like study that a little bit more on the on the personal side. I very recently as in like maybe two hours ago screenshotted and fully downloaded a tic toc that. So the intro is like you've heard about car guys. You've heard about course girls and even Disney adults. But why are we having the conversation about floor people? The people who will offer them a chair and they will say yes, I'm a floor person.

54:56

You are a floor person. I know that about you.

54:58

Yeah. I don't care. I want to be on the ground. That's it. And I was like, I didn't know I needed to be seen in this capacity. There was that. Oh, wow, amazing. Incredible. And then I'm actually quite angry at this because Instagram has updated and changed where the like button was to the shopping button.

55:19

Yeah, that happened a little while ago for me and I fascinating, fascinating UX UI move. You know, I love that shit.

55:28

Oh, I know. Fascinating, brilliant on there and on a consumer and I'm like, that is so manipulative. However. Have I been scrolling for beautiful gemstone rings that I don't need 100% I have like

55:40

already saved to my phone. So what kind of gemstone are you going for? Are you going for like just aesthetics only? Or are you going for like, you know, properties.

55:50

So I have enough like properties, things that are like stuck in the bra or in a pocket? You know, when I on rare occasion, I would adopt a bra for my body?

56:00

Right? Very rare. That was because I brought yours. I don't know that 25 years. What is it? Brasilia?

56:10

I would like ascetics. Actually, I used you. I hope that's okay. As an example, of when lost maybe a year or two ago, you were sharing, like an insight you had about how are you dressing for your soul, and like using that as an expression. And I and I work on a computer in my jammies all the time. And I was like, Amanda, like you should probably allow that, like, more fun light to come through more. So I'm thinking more like, opal, like beautiful. Lots of colors kind of thing. Yeah,

56:46

I like that. Yeah, that's a really interesting, we could circle back on that conversation later. dressing. And what like how our style, our personal style and how it really does affect, like, how we show up in the world. And yeah, that's another thing I talked to my therapist about. We talk a lot. But she, I mean, you know, my thought process around it was I want people to see me and know who I am, and feel like they know me. And I really want to project who I am through the way that I dress. It's important to me that people know what they're getting. And my therapist was like, Why?

57:27

It's like, okay,

57:28

there's ally pay the big bucks, Adele, and she's like, why does it matter what people think of you? I was like, God dammit.

57:38

You got me.

57:39

You're good.

57:42

Are you? Did you go to school for this? Really good. Yeah. And then we really went into how it was a bit of a codependent move on my part into, like, want to make it as easy as possible for people to see me. Yeah, I don't have any control over how people see me, they're gonna see me over they want. And what I should care about is, if I feel like I'm being true to myself, and it doesn't matter if I show up wearing sweatpants, to boardroom meeting, a boardroom meeting, that's not even a thing.

58:15

I work business.

58:17

Like, people are gonna think whatever they want to think regardless of what my attire looks like. And while they might sort of color their opinion of me at first, eventually, they're just gonna, they're gonna make their own decisions about me, and I can't control that. So I'm just passing that along to you in case it is useful or helpful.

58:35

Oh, I love that. Yeah, I think like, it's more. How do I, I dressed typically, like I'm thinking younger self like, by default, like, Oh, that's like cute. And like, you know what? It is reactionary? It's like, Oh, I like that right now. But do we like it? Like literally right now in this five minutes? Or do I like this? Because it's like,

58:59

yes, yes. And that's a I've This is totally pertains to our intuition conversation of like, Is this me? Do I actually like this thing? Beyond other people telling me I should like it, or like fast it being what I can buy at a fast fashion store, which is like what we can afford when we're younger, right. And right now I'm wearing a sweatshirt that my husband made. And I'm also wearing a silk leopard print skirt that you can't see but this is like really the vibe that I want to go for all the time. And then I wore dansko clogs for when I had to go out and vote today. So I don't know if I'm like the pinnacle of fashion, but I'm definitely the pinnacle of like myself.

59:37

I feel like you're the pinnacle of fashion. Also, we're rocking like mirroring vibes right now. I'm just not wearing a skirt but I have some little flippies on not that people were able to see this but you'll be able to see this. How sick is this sweatshirt. It's that I think roses wrapped around the female symbol made by a girl gang craft in Oakland, California. is a lovely bunch of different creative women. Just the best

1:00:05

people. Maybe, maybe they'll still have the shirt and we'll link to it.

1:00:08

Yeah, I'll look that up. If not, they have like other incredible stuff. They have other shirts. Hmm.

1:00:13

abundance.

1:00:17

Hashtag abundance?

1:00:17

No, excuse me. lansa

1:00:20

fabulous. Do you want me to share what I screenshotted with you? I would love to Oh my gosh. Okay, so the first thing that I'm like really obsessed with because I told you my note taking system is already like kind of shitty. But I really rely on notes. Whenever I'm creating stuff. I don't like to work from scratch. And I never work from a blank slate or a blank page. So I'll go and look at notes from books that I've read and or like what I've highlighted in my Kindle, yada, yada. And what I am loving is this podcast app called air AI AR AR Wow, that was a little too hard for me to spell. And it's a podcast app where you can listen to podcasts. And then you can basically press this little button when you hear something you like, and it pulls the quote for you. And it pulls the test. Yes, it's super fucking cool. So they have transcriptions of all these podcasts, every podcast that comes out, and it's really sweet. And then it saves it to my notion, which is like notion is my my company Bible. So like, it's my note taking app. And it's really cool. So I'm obsessed with that. And it's it's fueling my podcast addiction. Wow. Isn't it cool? That is,

1:01:27

so that's like a huge problem solve for totally so many of my clients. I'm literally gonna, like send out a mass email after this. Like, hey, all y'all were like, I can't remember this podcast, but they said something good. Use this out. But now we can remember the quote.

1:01:45

Yeah, it's really good. It's like, you know, I take so many notes actually have a problem kind of with the audiobook app. What is that one called? Again? audible. Yeah, audible. I like I don't like the note taking system and audible because I take notes in books all the time, especially audiobooks. And it's like, not that great, but this one is fantastic. So strong recommend on that. I'm also loving this woman named Steffi laurette on Instagram. She's a graphic designer who makes fuckin sick graphics that are like sort of wellness adjacent and they're like dark and spooky, very Scorpio Pluto energy, which is my vibe I don't really like like the white minimalism aesthetic. So I'm into that. And I'm also into the my goals 90 day journal, where you like work on towards a goal for 90 days. But I didn't actually buy the journal. I've used it in the past. I used it in the past, but they're from Australia. So they take like three weeks to get here. So I just made like a janky version in it's not actually janky in notion for myself. So if you want it just like shoot me a text, I'll put my phone number at the bottom of the show notes. And I'll send you my version of the Michael's journal 90 day thing. Amanda, I'll send it to you if you like Please,

1:02:58

I'm already done.

1:03:00

He was interesting, though, is are you the kind of person who if you get a 90 day journal, like Will you commit to the full 90 days for the 19th? And whatever, 90 days? Yes,

1:03:12

because I really like working in Sprint's and that that matches up with my quarterly goals. So that's the that's the reason I would get that, right. It's like, yeah, it's October. So I'm working on my quarterly goals through the end of the year for the business. And like, I like having something getting in the cadence of like checking in on those goals, or else I feel like they get away from us. And this journal happens to be like really beautiful. And I think it's a female founded company. I don't know it's great. But if you don't want to wait 12 days to get it from Australia. My my, my digital version on notion. Oh,

1:03:47

I love that. I love them. Something is beautiful and also incredibly functional.

1:03:52

Yeah, honestly, like, I'll probably order a bunch of their stuff for me and for my team, because they work really well and they're not like you know, some planners are kind of give you a dress.

1:04:03

Yeah, like

1:04:04

this is too much to do many things. Like there's too many tabs here. That's not what these are like there's they're like they're they're great. They're streamlined, but also still lovely.

1:04:16

Oh my dream I can't wait to buy one now.

1:04:20

You've been influenced? There we go.

1:04:27

Another word but

1:04:28

oh my god yeah,

1:04:30

today we could have like 100 follow up episodes and maybe he'll just be like our regular guests that comes back. This was so fun. Thank you so much for chatting with me and like you know dropping all your wisdom tidbits on us.

1:04:43

Thank you I you know I love chatting with you. It feels like we're just kind of talking to with and sometimes add in the best way possible each other.

1:04:54

Always so lively and wonderful. And just love it. So thank you to Amanda. How can people find you

1:05:00

Oh, that's a great question. So my website is it should be ready. The link still works. It's just like ugly if you're looking at it right now on October 20.

1:05:10

But after like the 30th it's going to be real cute. So exciting. Amanda Huggins coaching calm first name last name. That'll eventually be the hub. But come find me on Tick tock, Amanda, the anxiety

1:05:21

coach. She's famous on there. She's verified.

1:05:26

I hate that.

1:05:28

No, please. I love it. It's like the modern day equivalent of like royalty. Like, oh my god, Princess die. You're the princess die of Tic Tac? No.

1:05:41

I'm sweating.

1:05:47

Oh, man. Well, this is so fun. Thanks, Amanda for fucking baller cool person and just shooting from the hip. I appreciate you.

1:05:57

Appreciate you too, my friend. I'll talk to you soon.