Ask An Astrologer: Should I Stop Asking Prospective Dates About Their Sign?
Hi Emmalea!
Hi! I am a Cap sun, Pisces moon and I astrologically profile the men I am dating. I immediately assume any non-water or earth sun/moons are not going to be as invested as I am, and it's self-defeating. Are there more helpful ways to think about astrology and dating that are less ... judgy??? But still helpful? I'm at a loss and I feel like I'm sabotaging myself!
Dear Cosmic Profiler,
I'm glad you're asking about Astro-profiling because I think lots of people do this in the new age and it's time to collectively...not. The first step is the acknowledgment of the problem. So, you're on a pretty sweet path already. I know you're up for the inner fortitude that this transformation will take, as that Cap sun loves a fervent challenge. So, I'm going to propose something *radical* that might just save your soul. JK. But it might boost your mental health re: dating and astrology.
Here is my suggestion: Don't even ask the dude's birthday until it's like...clearly time to ask about birthdays. YA KNOW? In the pre-astrocentric universe, we didn't know someone's vitals until we were on the road to commitment. "Hey, I like your vibe, can you please tell me the date you landed on this planet?" Mary J. Blige said, "Chemistry was crazy from the get-go, neither one of us knew why." Chemistry first, astrology later.
The thing is: A person's astrological chart is NOT the person. The planetary placements and energies talk about natal karma. There's also free will and personality and endless ways for those planetary energies to play out in the "real world."
The cosmos are meant to expand, not contract us -- to help us think more creatively and galactically. Let us not profile anyone -- astrologically or otherwise! When it's finally time to learn the birth details and moon sign, you can gaze into your partner's chart with levity, curiosity, and heart rather than fear or judgment. In this sense, we can use astrology to gain greater clarity into the nuances of people we care about and how we might magnify their innate joys and find empathy for their edgier karmic difficulties.
We are not our charts! Free will! The human spirit! Decision making! Go forth into your exalted new dating frontier which will consist of humans whose birthdays you don't know but whose energy and life circumstances you'll be able to feel out with gravity and grace without cosmically blinkering your perception. Super exciting! Sending much much <3
Emmalea Russo is a writer, astrologer, and creative. Her writing on astrology, culture, art, and literature appears in Cosmopolitan, Poetry Foundation, The Thirlby, Los Angeles Review of Books, Fanzine, BOMB Magazine, and elsewhere and her published books are G (2018) and Wave Archive (2019). She has been a writer-in-residence at 18th Street Arts Center (LA) and Lower Manhattan Cultural Council (NY). Emmalea writes and podcasts on astrology and culture at The Avant-Galaxy. In her practice, she combines ancient and modern astrology, tarot, and creative praxis, helping her clients connect with their stars for a more cosmically nuanced life experience. She uses astrology as a language, art, and tool for connection.
In this bi-monthly column, Emmalea will tackle real-life situations from an astro perspective. Think: A punk-rock Dear Prudence, with a natal chart for good measure.