What Your Attachment Style Says about Your Manifestation Practice
Episode Description
[0:01:00] We’ve been deep-diving into the concept of manifestation over the last few weeks. [0:04:00] Today’s guest is Taryn Newton-Gill, a coach who helps other women date, fall in love, and be in healthy relationships using Attachment theory as one of her guiding teachings. [0:08:00] Taryn talks about the difference between creating a relationship vs. manifesting a relationship. [0:20:00] Taryn explains attachment theory and discusses her attachment style in reference to dating. [0:30:00] Michelle asks about Taryn’s opinion on manifesting a partner. [40:00] Taryn answers the question, Is there a connection between an attachment style and philosophy around manifestation? [0:56:00] Taryn describes the anxious-avoidant loop or the anxious-avoidant trap.
Follow Taryn on IG @truerlove or visit her website https://www.truerlove.com/
Listen to Taryn’s pod on Spotify: Truer Love Stories
Join us in The Cusp here and the free Holisticism Hub here
Our detailed show notes can be found @ www.holisticism.com/journal
“Dating is like vintage shopping – you have to weed through a lot of people's old shit before you can find the hidden gems.” Taryn Newton-Gill
Avoidant people are much less likely to manifest partners because in general, they don't long for closeness in the same way that anxious and secure people do.
We're all biologically programmed to connect, and independence is such capitalistic, individualistic paradigm we have that it really isolates us from people. We then have less experience being vulnerable and being in community, and appreciating interdependence, because we associate needing someone or needing something from someone as weakness.
“You don't have to be perfect by the time you meet the person. But you need to have someone who's willing to go to that space with you so you can both help each other feel more worthy in an interdependent way, not in a codependent way.” - Taryn Newton-Gill
“When I say manifest a healthy relationship, in my mind, I'm really saying create a healthy relationship, because it's more empowering to me than the normal language around finding love.” - Taryn Newton-Gill
“It's not an unhealthy thing to be dependent. It's very normal and it's human.”
“Creating a relationship instead of manifesting a relationship is an infinite possibility. There's not just one right way to do it. There's the right way for you right now, and that might change.” – Michelle Pellizzon
“The mark of a healthy relationship is if a partner can show up for you when you're feeling dysregulated.” – Taryn Newton-Gill
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Anchor, Breaker, Google Podcasts, Amazon Podcasts, Pocket Casts, and RadioPublic
The transcript of this episode can be found here. Transcripts of all episodes can be found here.
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If you liked hearing a different take on manifestation, check out "Co-Creative Manifestation Meets Crypto with Millana Snow" where Michelle and Millana Snow talk about her spiritual download that she was going to win project runway, her process of manifestation, investing in crypto, and more.
Show Notes
[0:00:00] Podcast begins.
[0:01:00] We’ve been deep-diving into the concept of manifestation over the last few weeks.
[0:03:00] Listen to our previous pods. We've had these amazing guests over the last couple of weeks who are all experts on manifestation.
[0:04:00] Today’s guest is Taryn Newton-Gill, a coach who helps other women date and fall in love and be in healthy relationships using Attachment theory.
[0:06:00] Often, in our dating relationships, we feel a lack of control because it's not about just us, but about another person opting in. The same thing happens often with money and with our businesses.
[0:08:00] Taryn talks about the difference of creating a relationship vs. manifesting a relationship.
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[0:14:00] Today Grit Epiq, the online fitness market is booming. Other companies that have brought unique, innovative products into this market in its early stages – such as Peloton and Mirror – are benefitting. Our very first paper: The Future of At Home Fitness, written in January, predicted that many months ago.
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[0:17:00] Attachment Theory is the scientific study of how people bond and form relationships. These can be any relationships, but it really focuses a lot on intimate relationships, such as with a parent or child, or lovers.
[0:20:00] Taryn talks about her attachment style, in reference to dating, as described by her therapist.
[0:22:00] The main attachment styles are secure, anxious, and avoidant.
[0:22:00] When you're dating, the majority of what you meet are insecure.
[0:23:00] Dating is like vintage shopping; you have to weed through a lot of people's old shit before you can find the hidden gem. We all have shit we've dealt with. You must know what to look for and pay attention and appreciate the hidden gems when you find them.
[0:24:00] The key to healthy relationships is interdependence and having a safe space where you can come together and talk things through.
[0:25:00] There has to be some element of a secure feeling in order to be able to hold a space for open communications.
[0:27:00] You don't have to be perfect by the time you meet the person. But you need to have someone who's willing to go to that space with you so you can both help each other feel more worthy in an interdependent way, not in a codependent way.
[0:28:00] There's something into a relationship about building together and growing together, and that's always going to be happening no matter what stage you're at because nobody's perfect.
[0:30:00] Michelle asks about Taryn’s opinion on manifesting a partner.
[0:33:00] Taryn answers the question, What are some helpful things to do while you're trying to learn or heal or become more secure?
[0:34:00] There was a study over a four-year period that tracked people's attachment styles, and 30% of people had significantly changed while 70% still had the same exact style. They are changeable, but it's takes something really significant to fully change your style.
[0:35:00] Taryn answers the question, can there be combination styles?
[0:37:00] Anxious people do something called protest behavior. Protest behavior is when someone has triggered you and you become avoidant, but you're doing it out of being angry, not because you truly need space.
[0:40:00] Taryn answers the question, Is there a connection between an attachment style and philosophy around manifestation?
[0:41:00] Avoidant people are much less likely to manifest because, in general, they don't long for closeness in the same way that anxious and secure people do.
[0:42:00] Listen to Taryn’s podcast: Truer Love Stories, where she coaches people anonymously on air.
[0:46:00] We associate needing someone or needing something from someone as weakness. We want to be self-sufficient, free and make our own decisions, but we don't want to be disconnected either.
[0:46:00] It's not an unhealthy thing to be dependent. It's very normal and it's human.
[0:48:00] Taryn answers the question, Do you think it's ever possible for an anxious attachment style to be able to have casual sex with people?
[0:49:00] Because of the nature of sex that makes you feel more bonded to someone, even if it's just casual, we have to be very aware of ourselves and our attachment.
[0:50:00] There aren’t really rules. It's just your internal compass and knowing yourself and being self-aware.
[0:56:00] The anxious-avoidant loop or the anxious-avoidant trap is the most common dynamic setup. It a love-hate dynamic. You have this intense chemistry, but then at the same time, the way you deal with things is the opposite.
[0:59:00] Michelle shares how she deals with her emotional wave, and how she tries to not destroy a relationship.
[1:00:00] The mark of a healthy relationship is if a partner can show up for you when you're feeling dysregulated. With that, you can get through anything.
[1:01:00] We often manifest things we think we want, but we don't realize what we need.
[1:02:00] The true test of what builds intimacy and makes you fall in love with someone is how they respond. If they don't respond well, they might not be right for you, especially if it happens multiple times.
[1:03:00] Closeness breeds more closeness. That's what creates intimacy.
[1:08:00] Follow Taryn on IG @truerlove or visit her website https://www.truerlove.com/
[1:09:00] Listen to Taryn’s pod on Spotify: Truer Love Stories
[1:11:00] Podcast ends.
People and Resources Mentioned
Follow Taryn on IG @truerlove
Listen to Taryn’s pod on Spotify: Truer Love Stories
Grit EPIQ https://investgritepiq.com/